the blur to the pause

As I review the blur of the past four years in my mind, one thing I always remember is wishing for that little bit of time where I could just relax, not have any school work or job to worry about, and well, to actually be able to sleep. The past three weeks have given me my fill of that and the no-worry environment with absolutely nothing to do has actually proved to be pretty daunting. Luckily when I first got out here, I immediately had a interview lined up with an awesome company so I was able to busy myself preparing for that. I thought it went well and became even more excited about the possibility but had to wait for a response from my interviewers. Unfortunately for my sanity, confidence, and even overall happiness given this was the only thing I've been really excited about, day after day passed without my hearing any sort of enthusiastic words begging me to come back to their campus to continue on the path to claim the position. All communication up to this point was via email so my somewhat desperate self awoke every morning to check my inbox searching for any word. Nothing came. (This is where the daunting aspect really begin to play part.) I don't have much else to distract myself with. A few freelance assignments that come and go as I give the minimum thought to the work that has become somewhat routine. A daily run featuring music from my brand new ipod. ( Yep, I finally have an ipod.) A couple frantic searches a day for anything edible in the kitchen and pantry. And books, movies, magazines to read, watch, and distract myself from really doing things others might deem in a category that allows me to be 'productive.' With so much free time on my hands, I also found a lot of time to stay logged into my email account hoping for my amount of new messages to climb one or two up the chart. Motivated to at least distract myself a little bit, I applied for a few jobs here and there but nothing sparked my interest (yet) like this first position had. I wasn't quite motivated to really go all out and have likely still be secretly hoping that maybe just maybe this company was taking their time and that a near two weeks after my interview didn't mean they weren't interested. I mean, I did everything right. I was well qualified for the position, dressed right, arrived on time, well, actually early, was talkative and willing to ask questions as well as provide my extraordinary responses to their interview questions...if I do say so myself. ;) We even talked about my dancing experience, recent movies I've enjoyed, and, of course, (I mean who could forget) my early excursions in the music world resulting in the ever so popular Summer Songs cds. Everything was there. The interviewees were young women professionals and I felt I could fit right in...But did they agree? The days passed as I somewhat reluctantly took in the long-awaited freedom of time and solitude that I now wished to exchange for a busier schedule. I have to recognize that a couple times in the last several months had led me to ponder on the fact that I don't know if I've ever had one of those experiences where I really wanted things to go one way and was ready to move forward in that direction but then, fate clearly creates a message that that's not the way to go. I don't recall that ever happening to me...and I maybe blogged about this a while ago? maybe? But I think that this possibly could have been that experience for me. Here was what I thought was a perfect opportunity, a perfect job, the perfect location, the perfect situation...but maybe that's not all meant to be. Maybe I wasn't even supposed to live out here. My phone rang a morning this past week with a new 801 number. I answered and was soon discussing my availability with a designer from a company in Lindon, Utah (probably also mentioned in an earlier post) that I would definitely be interested in working for. I told them that I was now in Virginia and would definitely still be interested if they decided to hire and selected me from the two resumes they were considering at the time. How crazy would that be? I fly out to VA, pack up all my stuff, have tons out here now only to move exactly right back where I came from. I think that's the only downside to this company. But the point is, I started to realize that my plans might not be what was gonna happen.

Friday afternoon a chat with my sister peered into the outlook of my future steps with this company in VA I want to hear from. I reported that I had heard nothing and wondered if it would be too much to call THEM asking for a decision or status or some information about anything! Nothing was decided but I hung up the phone only to have to answer a call less than two minutes later...from who?? That's right, this big VA company I have practically been dying to hear from. Good news....or bad news? I try to keep an open mind but I was excited to be invited for another day of interviews next Wednesday when I will meet with the president of the company as well as a couple other directors and who knows who else. They told me they would be lining up the appointments with the employees to meet me that day and would let me know the actual times later but wanted to see if my schedule was open or available. (Uh yea, that might be an understatement) So I am happy to report that I have another shot...well not really another shot but that my first one was successful and I just have to keep doing what I can to continue being so. 

And I hope that this position will work out for me. I really really really REALLY do. I don't necessarily think I need those experiences where everything changes but this is an example of things maybe not working out in the exact way I would wish...timing wise. I hate waiting for things and this just may be an exercise to help me develop patience. Yes patience as I have waited, waited, waited, waited, and will likely continue to wait after this upcoming day of interviews. We shall see what happens. This time has also allowed me to develop a couple of other opportunities or maybe just given me time to accept that maybe this won't work out. Again....we shall see. And I will update.