blah on me

I try to hold out but usually I don't last very long. I wait to give a chance, but give up because it doesn't happen fast enough. So I give up my stance...maybe just a little combination of my stubbornness, impatience, and such....

The best thing is when you don't have to wait to give that chance, but when you are actually surprised and expectations are far beyond exceeded.

But I hate waiting. I like to think I'm not holding unreasonable expectations. But when it falls again and again....

I probably kid myself in thinking that some of the things I want and need are the same things that others want and need back. That's kinda hard to swallow. I don't want to be in those one way situations......

In truth, I know that most of these things can be canceled out in my life. I need to accept and be thankful with what I have because honestly it's great. Maybe it's seemingly losing the parts that I most depend on and need that make it all seem to fall apart.

I wait to hear the voice I hope to hear, to get a message saying everything I want it to say, to get some reassurance that someone cares. Again, maybe it's too much because sometimes those things never come. It always seems like once again I have to first speak my voice, first send the message initiating what I want to hear, and first offer some reassurance that I care. And that can't be too bad. Maybe I'm too selfish. I don't mind doing those things...but I don't want to always be the one doing it. I know, I know--I recognize that I'm probably exaggerating. Please recognize that I'm applying some very specific situations very broadly. But hey, sometimes exaggeration seems best.

Music has a way of bringing up past feelings, emotions, and even memories. So one phrase from a recent song...from my past.

Maybe tomorrow.