My return...maybe

It's been a while since I've posted, but a little influence from some good friends has kinda sparked my interest again.

It's mid-November and I only have about a month left of classes--ever. That's crazy...It just doesn't seem like I'm old enough. I was talking with Grace the other day about some potential housing options in Salt Lake where most of the residents are young, working professionals. So basically a really good environment for where I am in my life. But, all of the sudden I starting feeling really young. I'm like, hey if anything, I'm just going to be doing an internship out there. That's not a real job. What if I'm the youngest person out there, what if the entire ward is made up of creepy, weird, OLD people!?!?

The last couple weeks have really made me appreciate so many things in my life. I think I take a lot of things for granted and often don't recognize the many ways that I am blessed. In one Sacrament meeting a while back, I remember a lot of a lot of people discussing how they wanted one thing and Heavenly Father sent them a completely different thing and, in the end, that thing really did turn out to be what was best. These examples reinforced the idea over and over again, that Heavenly Father is in each of our lives, knows us personally, and knows what will be best for us in the long run. I thought about this for a while and couldn't recognize any significant points in my life where things REALLY didn't turn out how I wanted or expected them. I realize that examples probably do exist, but nothing really trying sticks with me. My thoughts led me to the idea that, well, maybe I'm different. I'm a big planner...I like planning things out in advance and kinda knowing what I expect to be doing six months in the future and stuff. I always have several options that I sort through and think about before I feel particularly good about one and go with it. I think, for me, that this is the place where Heavenly Father guides me to make a right decision or at least prepares me to come to a certain conclusion on my own. He probably knows that I might not be able to deal with random drastic changes in my life.

Right now my life is more up in the air than I normally prefer. Honestly, I have no idea where I will be come January. I could be in Salt Lake, Provo, D.C., or some other random place. But as of this moment, there is not one stronger option than another. I developing a stronger sense of patience, I suppose. But, even with the unknown looming over my life, I feel extremely grateful for the amazing opportunities I have been able to take advantage of. It's my last semester and months ago, when I was planning my schedule, I thought, wow, this is gonna be the best semester yet--I'm gonna have so much free time!.... um, NOT. While not a whole lot of my time is being devoted to school, I have some amazing career opportunities that really just keep falling in my lap. It's simply amazing and every time something works out I have to ask, "What could I possibly have done to deserve this?" I honestly don't think I do deserve it. I'm lacking in so many ways and don't understand how blessing after blessing comes my way when there are soo, so many things I should and could be doing better. Again, I just marvel at the love I feel in my life from my Heavenly Father--He loves me even when I'm not perfect, He sees the things that make me feel worthwhile, He knows what I need to make things seems OK.