Hitting hard

So wow, the recent and future changes in my life are just starting to hit me. I've known what's gonna be happening, and have actually been pretty excited about it, but this afternoon it has just really hit me. I'm like, what the heck am I doing? Why is everything all of the sudden changing? What? Why? WHEN?

Today is my second to last day of my internship at the Church. It's so crazy...I mean, I just started didn't I? Well, I did, but they don't keep us around for that long around here. Most of you know I was kinda skeptical about taking this position, and I think the reasons for those feelings proved to be true at various points during the last four months. But now that my last day is tomorrow, I'm suddenly feeling attachment and am like, wait, I have to go now?

It's all good though. I'm excited for the next week of freedom! Well, mixed in with obligatory packing, moving, and completing some freelance work on the side. And from there, I'm going out and gonna try to make things happen for myself. I feel really good about my decision to go to Washington, D.C., however scary it may seem. I do love big cities and am looking forward to getting to know this particular city better and to take advantage of the thriving city life, tourist attractions, and the things that make a city seem yours. Wow...this really scares me. Especially as I'm looking for apartments (because you who know my history, know I can't handle being at home for long) and having to committ to some sort of agreement, all while not steadily knowing what my job will be or how much money I'll have. I don't want to get in over my head...and while, everything has always seemed to work out for me before, I think a big cloud is hanging over my head just waiting to dump millions of disappointments into my life...no job, no money, no friends, no future. Seems kinda dramatic, but I really am just hoping everything will work out the way it's supposed to. Although I'm kinda scared that this might become my story when I wanted things to work out one way but Heavenly Father has an entirely different plan for me. I know this should probably be a good thing, but I am so afraid of this happening. I think I have such a distinct idea of what I want to be doing and the way I want things to be that it drives me crazy to think about it being different. And to not know. I hate not knowing. Anyways, while I should be accepting of this possibility, I'm scared to death of it happening.

I usually hate goodbyes...and this typically holds true...But now. Now that it's hitting me that I'm done and leaving, I'm really feeling more of an need for that. Maybe it's because today went so well. Every week the five of us interns here with the magazines go to lunch together. Today we did this for the last time...for our final hurrah, we went to the Garden in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and just took our time to enjoy it. These girls have been really fun to work with, and it was such a great opportunity to start out here all together with them. We took some fun pictures so I'll post those later. And we all have such exciting things going on in the future. At lunch, we discussed how two will be submitting their mission papers, one is starting to try to have kids, one is moving out from her parent's house and starting things out on her own, and I, well, I'm moving to Washington, D.C. There is such variety among us but it's been great connecting with them as we discuss our internships, the quirks and things we love about working here, and of course, indulging ourselves in our varied General Authority sightings.

Anyways, we had lunch, took pictures, exchanged contact information, and said goodbyes. And it was good. I know we all had great experiences here and we are all excited about what's coming in the next step in our lives.

I'm trying to finish up everything I need to finish before I leave. I submitted one story (definitely one of my top three while here) today and am currently distracting myself from finishing another about the new nursery manual coming out in August. I have a couple of other projects in the works, but think I might just have to pass those on to the next intern. So after I finish this story, (which YES I will even if I stay here all night...) I need to clean up and clean out my cubicle, prepare all of my notes for the next intern, and write the obligatory letter to her (I think?) explaining all of the exciting things I do and that she too will do. Plus tomorrow I have to meet with my boss for an exit interview, the main curriculumn HR guy for an exit interview, go to my exit lunch with the Liahona staff, meet with the lady over production to discuss what she does in her position, and maybe maybe join in on a meeting the other Liahona intern arrange with some head editors about managing a magazine. All in one day. It seems like I'm trying to fit so much into my last few hours here...like I'm scrambling to fit in everything I can while I can. Phew. I think all of this makes me think even more about how I can't believe I'm done. And that's when everything starts to hit...hit hard.

While the unknown is ahead, the future is, haha, bright and I have hope for everything that's coming my way.